February 2012
4 posts
1 tag
Treat yo self!
The Princess Bride and wine? Don’t mind if I do!
1 tag
Jenny Owen Youngs - Fuck Was I →
January 2012
9 posts
“No shit that’s what beards do bitch!”
– Audra in response to overhearing a girl tell the bartender that his beard has gotten longer.
Watchwashingtonpoststyle:
Stephen Colbert interviews Maurice Sendak.
This is the greatest interview in the history of “The Colbert Report.” (Go to our actual tumblog if you have trouble watching on the dashboard.)
This is a must watch.
Fucking New Yorkers.
Customer at work comes in shivering.
Coworker: You look cold, is it bad out there? Customer: Yeah it’s freezing, it’s like 28 degrees!
Good lord. The Todd Glass WTF interview is... →
Marc Maron is a great interviewer and I love Todd Glass so I laughed a lot plenty during this podcast but it’s also touching and fascinating. Highly recommended.
Don't tell me my business devil woman.
Joanna: You look cold.
Me:I know I think I have freezer burn.
Joanna: Oh no! Wait, that’s not a thing humans get.
Me: What’s the thing that humans get?
Joanna: Frost bite.
Me: Fine then, same thing.
Joanna: You should’ve put yourself in a better ziplock bag.
“I usually always tell people to go fuck themselves, now? One hundred percent!”
– Me in a dream I had a few nights ago.
December 2011
8 posts
Oh my god I love the Harry Potter books on tape.
First there’s Jim Dale’s incredibly soothing voice/British accent in general. Second there’s his skill at doing the voices of all the dozens of characters. Never fails to put me to sleep.
And whatever I don’t care if I’m a dork Ralph!!!
Note to self:
Don’t trim your bangs when you’re drunk. Thanks.
Love,
sober Libby
This guy's my favorite.
The delivery guy at work was handing out menus at the subway station, when he got back I asked how it went.
Delivery guy: Well don’t tell the boss but I paid a homeless guy three bucks to do half the work for me.
Me: How 1% of you.
Delivery guy: Bwahahahaha.
Baking=Christmas
Is there anything better than baking up a storm and cranking up the tunes? I submit that there is NOT!
October 2011
13 posts
Raging apathetic: FTW →
audranaudon:
raging-apathetic:
I feel like an old person sometimes because I don’t understand a lot of technology. I mean I pretty much grew up with computers so I have an inherent sense of how to use basic programs for schoolwork or what not. However when it comes to the latest technology, e.g. smart phones, or internet slang…
I like it. I could go with Fuck the What.
Also, I got you this...
FTW
I feel like an old person sometimes because I don’t understand a lot of technology. I mean I pretty much grew up with computers so I have an inherent sense of how to use basic programs for schoolwork or what not. However when it comes to the latest technology, e.g. smart phones, or internet slang such as FTW I’m completly lost.
For the longest time I thought FTW was just a hip...
I look goooooood.
Gentleman Friend told me I look like Howard Walowitz because I was wearing a sweater dress that has a turtleneck.
What a dick.
Not a creepy compliment at all.
“I really like your pigtails.”
~ A customer at work old enough to be my father. Said in a lecherous manner.
PS Totally copacetic with young hot guys throwing this compliment my way.
Just to set the scene Gentleman Friend is crazy skinny and about 6 inches taller than me.
Me: I have a genius idea for a Halloween costume for us.
Gentleman Friend: What I’m a penis and you’re a condom?
Me: No. What? How is that a genius idea? No you’re Olive Oyl and I’m Popeye.
GF: What No. If anything you should be Olive Oyl.
Me: No! You’re the tall and skinny one, if I tried to dress like Olive...
Re: Kurt Russel’s weird cowboy hat that he wears even though he’s in Antarctica in The Thing (original)
Me: I hope that stupid hat of his blows off in the wind.
Gentleman Friend: Why, is it not attractive?
Me: Yeah.
GF: Ruining your boner?
Me: Yeah!
I cannot be the only one who does this.
Me: I’m leaving November 4th.
Coworker: My birthday is on November 4th!
Me: My gentleman friend’s is in November too.
Coworker: So is my buddy Brock’s. Lot of birthdays in November.
Me: So a lot of fucking in March.
Coworker: Did you just say a lot of fucking in March?
Me: Yep.
“I’m not one of those weirdos that’s super into boobs.”
– Gentleman Friend
PS I think you’re talking about straight guys.
“You’re the white Harriet Tubman.”
– My coworker to me after I told her how I’d helped two of my coworkers from restaurant A get jobs at restaurant B. I did say it was starting to feel like I was running the underground railroad.
Well excuuuuuse me for wanting a lovely Saturday...
Coworker: What are you girls going to do tonight?
Me: I might try and talk my gentleman friend into watching Gone With the Wind.
Maggie: Your gentleman friend? What are you 80?
1 tag
Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk
Gentleman Friend: I think you’ve lost weight since we’ve been together
Me: Oh yeah how come? [I have but only about 4 lbs at most]
GF: Because you have less of a belly for me to hold on to.
Me: Can I give you some advice for the next girl you date? Don’t tell them they have a BELLY especially when I’m on my fucking period and feeling gross and bloated.
GF: HAHAHAHAHA, but I said you have less of a...
It's probably depressed because I'm so uncouth
My phone knows how to spell ennui, which I’ve never used in a text, but refuses to learn how to spell shit, which I use constantly.
September 2011
9 posts
MollsSheWrote: some big news (and a bigger thank... →
molls:
In late February of this year I started writing a sample television script. I guess in the back of my mind I’d hoped that it would result in me getting hired on a show or that I could maybe even sell it, but my main goal was to write something that I was proud of. I’ve shared most of my writing…
I just watched Two Broke Girls and not only was it hilarious but it reminded me of...
Me: How’d you sleep?
Gentleman Friend: Ok, I think I kicked you a couple times.
Me: You would.
GF: Not on purpose!
Me: Well what’s your deal?
GF: I rolled over and you were right in the middle of the bed so I guess I kicked you.
Me: What did that accomplish? Did I move over?
GF: No.
Me: Well, better luck next time.
GF: Next time I’m throwing punches.
1 tag
“I have finesse coming out of my asshole.”
– Me in response to my gentlemen friend telling me I needed to have a little finesse when rolling down the car window so it didn’t just automatically go down all the way.
DEAR KATY PERRY -ROB DELANEY, Viceland Today →
Fantastic.
August 2011
4 posts
1 tag
Cosmic American Lady: Do Not Ever Attempt To Date... →
cosmicamericanlady:
You have put your drink order in our hands. Do you really want to take the chance that we’ll fuck it up on purpose?
You will have to find a new bar/coffeeshop, because we sure as hell ain’t quitting because of your dumb ass.
Don’t think you can just come in when we’re not there, because our…
This is all hilariously accurate. While I will admit that myself and most...
2 tags
July 2011
3 posts
Yes!
hellandheartaches:
I totally felt the the same way I went to a Wal-Mart ….
Best part is when they’re talking about the tea, “you put tea in petrol containers?”
Also I’m a little in love with them, shocker!
“Truck drivers are pooping all over the freeways because the waysides are all...”
– - I asked my brother how things were going in Minnesota in light of the government shutdown, and this was his response. (via morninggloria)
That sounds about right.